#ill prob delete later im so sorry
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had a rly bad time trying to get my meds today, and after a day long struggle between doctors and pharmacists it looks im going without. ngl, i feel awful. it'd be rly nice if anyone wanted to toss me $3 on kofi. ko-fi.com/phuzface
#phuz drabbles#what stings is that i paid a good deal of money out of pocket for an apptment just so i could be approved for more sertraline#and now i cant even seem to get it. everything is preventing my getting it.#might as well have flushed it down the toilet we only have $350 left to live off#im sorry to beg but its getting rly rly rly bad and i could rly use some help#ill prob delete later im so sorry
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#vent#posting this here cuz I can’t talk to anyone and writing isnt reliable and i dont wanna do it on main cuz its stupid and i hate this so muc#and the oh we’re having a bad day thing doesn’t work cuz the day went fine we did chores we made pudding we ate we read for a bit#So there’s no reason for this but i just#and i was supposed to make art today cuz im running low on drafts and i wanted to doodle some stuff for peoplebut its not working and#I just hate this stupid feeling so much because it doesn’t make any sense#having a good day and then your brain randomly going hey remember kid no one actually likes you they hang out with you cuz they have to#So stop putting so much stock in yourself you’re barely worth it you don’t even feel like a person is actually supposed to or maybe you do#Maybe you do and you’re just a dramatic attention seeking idiot pretending to be feeling sad and shit out of some misplaced sense of arroga#and honesty yea it doesn’t make sense cuz good childhood good family no history of previous illnesses so it doesn’t make any sense to just#Suddenly feel awful and go hey it mist be the depression you don’t have you sick stupid dramatic moron#You’re the last person to be complaining about shit you’re not the sick one you didn’t undergo severe surgery or anything#what reason do you have to pretend to be overwhelmed or tired or depressed or in pain stop it pinnochio#and then people come in and out and talk to me which is fine I don’t mind but i hate having to figure out what the right reaction to#Match their enthusiasm and interests because if I don’t then im not being entertaining and if im not then what was the point of my audience#and then if im not smiling or reacting like مجردن looking and watching then im being rude and stupid and i just hate it so much#and I can’t even figure out the point cuz there has to be a point or else why the heck was i here anyways and its just#stupid stupid stupid stupid#delwte later#Sorry for the rant#i dont know#will prob delete later#this is so stupid
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he’s so fucking smol i wanna fucking cry so badly he’s SO TINY :(((((((((((
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* interesting text *
im so tired i can’t, but i rly like the result
#amelylina#wow im alive#hello my dudes#long time no see#im back with 4 pieces of toddler cc#lock at those detailsssss#i have been studying 3rd of the night#then another 3rd meshing#then playing osu because that thing is so addictive#haha click the corcles go brrr#we're studying offline#and im so fed up with my uni i can't#medicine is fun and all#but god we don't have adequate teachers and most of the info i get by myself from google or books#sorry for all the rants#im actually so glad to have all of you following me for my clothes#this means a world for me#bc sometimes im just sitting there like damn im so bad#ill prob delete tags later
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call me spineless but i can't think of one controversial opinion or hot take i have about starkid?
like i joined this fandom to post about stuff i like not stuff that i dislike, why would i do that to myself?
#also is this maybe because i am like paul matthews in that i dont have strong opinions of things i dislike?#yeah probs also this isnt me saying starkid content doesnt have issues#all content is flawed in some way or anothet but we know the creators didnt have ill intention and will try their hardest#and i believe them#i just think theres more important things than which eldritch god sucks ass and which ones the best#starkid#i love being in this fandom but the offensive bad takes make me cringe#im so irritating im sorry#felt brave might delete later#i just wish there wasnt so much bashing on everyone different opinions?#ok sorry back to your regularly scheduled me lurking instead of posting things
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ok im sorry sdhfggsh i got rid of the new george drawing because the eyes were really bothering me and i cdnt stop overthinking it. it's alright to those who reblogged it but im gonna fix the eyes i think. or something. idk the whole thing was driving me crazy
#im a perfectionist#and also get nervous abt my art if the response to it is slow going shdgh i cant turn off this brain but boy do i wish i could#i think i need to like. let my art sit in my drafts for an hour before posting so i can look at it w fresh eyes#but oh well#maybe its a goner i might just restart w a whole new drawing#sorry to those who thought i was a competent artist ahsdfghsjdf this blog is a mess welcome#the combo of adhd anxiety and ocd are really just swell#they make for a great team#ill probs delete this later#mine
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😩
#i feel like im slipping back into my binfe eating habits#and i dont feel great at all#i want to have the control that i used to have w my diet#but i feel like all of thay went down the drain after this weekend#i feel so sick right now 😔😔#literally waiting until i feel hungry again so i can eat some veggies#which im actually craving aftef all those sweets....#but i might not even get hungry today so idk if ill even eat?#ugh regret#sorry idk where to write this but i hope no one has to go thru this#um ya ill prob delete later cause i just wanna .. finally admit...#that i might have an eating disorder?#and i need to address it somrhow#just idk how#sigh#i feel ashamed idk#maybe U guys have some tips? on i guess ... how to deal w the guilt?#i hope none of u guys have or had to feel like this before tho
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i’ll make a proper gifset when its not 5 am but TRULY whoever did their jewelry was . just. oh my god i could kiss the ground they walk on
#there's WAY MORE TOO#like jungwoos pretty harness thing and yangyangs 50 necklaces#but oh my god i love their jewelry so MUCH#the baby blue! the silks the satins!#they look so...ethereal!!! so far away and pretty#bullshit.txt#okay sorry ill delete these later probs im just AHH
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anyone else kinda just have that moment where they have trouble feeling like they belong?? Or just having trouble talking or being social in general? Been kinda going through this for a few days and although I wanna talk with my friends I feel like I’m too weird or they’ll be bored or annoyed with me,,, I know that’s not the case!! But I just can’t seem to throw the idea out of my head ;;
#personal#delete later probs#sorry sorry im rambling aaa#ive just been having trouble feeling like i fit in i guess#i always get so nervous bout being annoying or boring#so i end up just not talking at all i guess#it rlly sucks though cause i love talking w/ my friends and w/ mutuals#but theres a big part of me thats just idk scared i guess?#idk how else to describe it aaa#for example recently i got into a new interest#but ive been super nervous to post art or reblog stuff bout it#because im scared someone is gonna just be angry with me for getting into something new#or tell me its dumb and stupid for liking it#aaaaa sorry im annoying dndbdbf ill stop talking#i hope this makes sense ;;
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want to apologize to everyone for being adhd and jumping from character focus to character focus with little rhyme or reason
i am trying so hard to nbe normal. sonic fans .. . praying hands emoji. sorry,
#robin rambles#i have adhd im so sorry#im in a suuuper funky headspace rn so i will prob delete this later out of embarrassment#fdshfdshfdshfdsh I JUST THOUGHT OF A TAG#ROBIN REGRETS#ROBIN REPENTS#LOSES IT#anyways. folds hands calmly.#my leg jiggles without pause#i rock slightly in my seat#NORMALLY IM like fine. im like whatever its my blog im the artist#ill do what i want and thats that#but today and yesterday i just feel so fucking weirdl abt it#like im infringing in someones territory or something#like im gonna step on so manty ppls toes and its 100% my fault for being an ass or smth#like i shld b allowed 2 indulge. i am alloweed 2 indulge. am i cringe? YEAH. nothin wrong w that#if u like anything ur just automatically cringe at this point#cringe culture isnt dead its just becoming acceptable to be cringe#anyways im allowed 2 indulge but my brain is like 'u hav 20 unfinished projects in ur current hyperfix. stop being a ho' like i CANT#I CANNOR DO ANYHTING LIKE A NORMAL BITCH#I HAVE ADHD PLEASE. LEAVEME ALONE#sighs exhaustedly
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If anyone would be down for getting involved with my selfship ATLA /LOK rp please lmk because I am always looking for selfship rp partners gksbjwhfjsnd
#ck.txt#should delete#will delete#IM KIND OF AFRAID TO POST THIS TBH#AND IM SORRY BCUZ I KNOW ITS ANNOYING#but i’ve been playing more fantasy games and stuff and it just. makes me think of my rp. which i love so much#botw is also a good and valid au world...THEYRE JUST SO MAGICAL AND EXPANSIVE AND GKSHFKEJJD#but i’d prob ask my parnter to write saruhiko and i know p much no one wants to do that. and i understand bcuz know one knows him#I’LL DELETE THIS LATER BUT ON THE OFF CHANGE ANYONE DID WANT TO TRY IT...LET ME LOVE YOU I’LL WRITE ANY CHARACTER ANY WAY YOU WANT LMAO#altho if we’ve never talked before sowwy ill probably be a little timid and awkward bcuz this stuff feels KIND of personal to me??#and i get really into it so ;w; idk man I SHOULDNT EVEN BE MAKING THIS POST BUT SORRY IM JUST A LIL NEEDY LOL
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You’re not dying on my watch
plEATH-
#ALSO THANKS FOR THE GOOD AS HELL SONG I LIKE IT HHEHHEH#tw but I'm too much of a coward to kms but who knows maybe I will#thiS IS SO DARK IM SORRY SARCASM IS MY COPING MECHANISM AND LIKE IDKFAM#anyways since I'm spilling tea my eating disorder isn't going well lmao#ill probs delete these later sorry
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Anyway
#im puttig this in tags so i dont get ppl rbing this and saying im an apathetic asshole#but im so tired of those save the planet angry climate change posts like what the fuck do you mean WE gotta do something like do you really#think protesting is gonna mean much to the 100 companies that are shoveling as much money into thier pockets as possible? they dont care!#like idk what the fuck you want me to do but saying to all the depresssd people in the notes saying well might as well kms now before the#world does it for me like of course theyre suuuper depressed ab this bc its shoved down our throats ab how helpless we are and the ppl who#can change it dont care! they just dont! and unless youre paying them to care nothings gonna change so stop ranting at the average joe and#then bitch at them that they should be angry ab cc and npt#sad like sorry i have so much shit going on and i cant change this shit! i cant! so excuse me for beinh tired of beinh told weekly how the#world is dying! i know! okay i fucjinh know!#idk im just so pissed ab this guilt tripping like go bitvh at those ceos if you think itll help but leave me alone ffs#ill prob delete this later but im just at my breaking point and ive just had enough of this#marquilla
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so frustrating...
#its hard pleasing other ppl#i always feel like a shitty person#and ik some of you may deny this and say im not#but i always feel like i fuck up relationships or friendships up all the time#i beat myself up for it too#i try my best to be there for ppl and reassure them#its hard juggling your feelings and everyone elses feelings#ik you should always take care of yourself but damn lol its hard huh#im so upset im tearing up lol look at my dork ass being a lil bby#smh#im a very honest and blunt person#but at the same time i care a lot about ppls feelings and ill never hurt a fly#i try to be the better version of myself as much as i can but damn ya girl is stuggling phew#even the brighest stars dim a lil#its a cruel world out there hmm#im sorry if this ramble was darkish and kinda weird but i just felt like writing my thoughts out#ill be fine i just really wanted to rant skkskskd lmao#ill probs delete this later ksksks#if you read this...thank you bby *bear hug*#tess rambles#💛💫🌻💚
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exes be fuckin weird sometimes
#sorry for the half assed vent post lmao#anyway shes been stalking my tumblr for whatever reason?#we agreed to be on good terms#so yeah fuck that#this is meant to be my private space#away from the real world#where im anonymous#but she just had be a creep i guess#she'll probably bring this up later#but for now i just need something to talk at#i mean i didnt even give it to her!!!!#she went looking for it!!!!#and kept going after we broke up!!!!#and even made a new account!!!!!#im pretty pissed rn sorry about that#but we agreed to be on. good. terms.#ill prob delete this later
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Hey guys...
So, the last few days have been pretty shitty. I swear I got the requests and I will be answering them tomorrow. Right now, I'm just tired. I promise that I will write all the requests that I have. And I'm terribly sorry for not posting them sooner.
Thank you.
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